KEALEY, talia molly

you got a dirty tongue and the damage is done

24 | hetero | widowed | temp worker | newcomer | anna kendrick

Talia M. Kealey,

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you were born on a day that holds a big significance to the place that you were born. the day that the country was unified mirroring when your family became one and it lasted for a bit. the life that you have been living has been hard, there is no denying that. you wish that your parents were still alive, that your brother was still at your side and that your uncle was not in jail but you cannot turn back time, and so you deal with things in your way. when you were a child, a stage of life that lasted longer than your brother’s childhood, you were happy or you seemed to be. you never really understood the tragedy that life seemed to throw at you, always smiling, a little giggly at times and put together even when you were in diapers. things in your life made you laugh easily, something as simple as a joke or your own toes curling as the sensation was a tickling one. movies were never your thing but you appeased your older brother, someone that you admired dearly and cared for due to the fact that he was the only person really there for you. there is no memory of your mother as she died when you were a year old, but you read the papers when you got older, slowly grasping the concept over time that the part of the city that you lived in was never anything special, or good. it was toxic, you realize that it turned your entire family around before you were even old enough to walk ten steps without falling onto your butt and crying—it was a cruel world and you got the brunt end of the stick. that happy kid existed for some time though, it was easy to pretend that the world was rainbows and sunshine with a brother like liam. he was your rock, a guiding post for everything you were meant to be, and have but that all changed too. boston changed people, it changed your life and your outlook on life due to the people that inhabited and the cards that you were dealt which you learn were never meant to be in your favor. the facts that you knew when you were eight years old was, your uncle was supportive but elusive, your father was constantly drinking himself under the table, your mother was buried in the ground and your brother was your rock. it was the only things that you needed to know at that age and so, life was good. you did not know of the money problems that surrounded your family but you did always wonder why everyone else had nice backpacks and lunch boxes when you got hand-me-downs and brown bags—but you never really complained, only contemplated. your uncle made your lunches but not having kids of his own, he did not understand that peanut butter and cream cheese was not a suitable combination and so, you often split your own lunch with jesse, your best friend. this girl was someone that you met when you were one, at your mother’s funeral, a daughter of a friend of your uncle’s (though you always suspected that the two of them were more than friends, but that would make you and jesse family and you never bothered to really ask). you two are best of friends for the longest time, you gossiped, crushed on boys together, you spoke about your secrets to her and she kept them until she was also shot down, like your mother, when you were thirteen. you were told it was an accent but the predicament seemed the same as your mothers are you analyzed both of the data that was presented to you in the form of newspaper clippings, jesse’s was hung up in your room for a while, the first friend to have die and the first funeral, that you remember, attending. you were forced to speak at it, thirteen years old with a little experience in public speaking. your speech was not moving, it was not even a little sentimental, it held no true meaning and that much you will regret but the things that you could say were memories, they were the secrets that were taken to the grave and you were not going to spill them out. this was the last friend that you called a best, the last person that you really told anyone anything, except for your brother, and jesse took it to her grave. now you are fourteen, you are a little more than confident with who you are but you are still a child at heart. you still bounce around the living room, making forts out of the blankets and pillows that you have and though your brother is not there anymore, he still comes often or you go to his place. you begin to see the life that he is living, finding him to be a little skinnier each time that you visit, you notice that he is grouchier and snapping at people but his demeanor toward you never seem to change. meeting the people that he hangs out with does nothing until you meet corey, the first love of your life. he shakes your hand and you feel yourself melting as he comments on how he had never known that liam had such a beautiful sister. you had never really described yourself as beautiful, never had the notion that your green eyes stood out against the black eyeliner that you had begun to wear, or that your lips were filling out and your body was changing—you thought that you were gross. no female was around to explain what was happening, friends were out of the question due to the idea of getting close to anyone was a hurtful one, but corey managed to do it. he wiggled his way in, tagging along with your brother and you when you went out, and even being so bold as to take you out himself. he seemed sweet, he was kind in a way that no guy could have been and at fifteen, you had your first boyfriend. innocence was knocked out of you as corey turned his back on you multiple times. his hands began to be put onto your arms, legs, pulling at your clothing and desiring more when you were not willing to. he controlled your life and actions, he cut off your friends but when he tried to cut off your brother, you lost it. the first explosion of anger that you felt as you shoved him back, screaming at him that he did not own you and you realize then that no one ever will. you will never let alone get this close to physically hurt you, or leave you. you shove him until he is pushed against a wall and though you see anger in his eyes, you still push because that is who you had become. the idea of an innocent girl had been pushed too far into your mind that you do not know her anymore. your hair is thinner and so is your body s corey had mentally broken you down to be thinner, to be more beautiful, to be his. putting your foot down was the most painful thing that you have ever done as he retaliates, giving you the beating of a lifetime that still rocks your brain from time to time. he was your first love, you really thought that you loved him but you come to the notion that it was nothing more than the desire for the love that had been taken away three or four times in your life. you are messed up now, with no future ahead of you, you drop out of school the next year, losing all faith in yourself. at this point in your life, your brother has been speaking about leaving the town multiple times but you never think that he is going to it. you were not aware that he sent in letters and that he had tried to get back into school, it just never made sense to leave the city that you grew up in. without school though, you are not living for much anymore while your brother had started his career back up again, taking night classes and you started to pick up the calls that he ignored. you began to drink, smoke, get high, get drunk, be a bitch and whore yourself out to anyone that would take you as your brother began to drift away from you and your uncle was put behind bars. you had expected your brother to be behind bars at some point too but it seems that the literal jail call from your uncle was the wake up call that you needed. you never admitted it to him, too hardened to really feel but you knew that you were proud of liam, you were proud that he got his life together but you envied him, and you hated him deep down for leaving you in the dust. the choice was all yours but it was easier to put the blame on others when your mind was so clouded by drugs and alcohol. eventually, the drug thing became too much for you as your “friends” wanted you to go into heroin, cocaine and the thought of snorting something up your nose, and the fear of needles put an end to that. drinking and sex were still on the table, you do not remember how many times you landed back in corey’s bed but it was too many. the men that you devoured were left in the morning, and it was a clear message that no commitment was going to come from you or from him. but you did end up finding someone, he was like your brother in some sense that he was a pillar for you to lean on. nineteen years old now with no education, no boyfriend and no sense of right from wrong, you leaned on him to teach you and he did. married at nineteen, you were ready to start this new phase. you stopped answering the calls, you even moved out of the city and into the suburbs but no one was able to leave just like that without consequences. yours turned out to be deadly, but the blissful years that came before that were nice. corey was always possessive though, you knew deep down that his lasting words would be your death but you never thought that the action would be turned onto your husband; dean. it was weird to think that you were married, the thing on your finger weighing you down but you never regretted it, or questioned the love that you had for the boy that stole your heart. he showed you a different path, gave you a different opening and it was what you needed. he allowed you to slow down at your own pace and though it was hard, the bottle became weaned off of and the occasional light up, or cigarette dwindled down to nothing, you were happy, you were clean once more and you felt good about who you were. you thought about calling your brother but you never actually dialed the number that had been left behind, and you were thankful that he had turned up for the wedding—that was a nice surprise for him. after the wedding though, dean became your support system and you thought that nothing could touch this kind of love—except a knife, a gun and a very angry ex-boyfriend and his gang. never having known her brother’a affiliation, you began to get threats in the mail but you ignored them, thinking they were pranks. your lie was happy, things were looking up and the idea of it being taken away never crossed your mind. people always left, it was a motto that you live by now due to the events two weeks after your one year anniversary. the house was silent while you had finished another round with your husband, but the sound of glass shattering awakened you, but not him. you have to shake him away to get his attention and even then, he is groggy, you explain what you heard and the male is telling you to hide, your husband begging you to get under the bed or in the closet but you won’t hear it, you will not bend to his will and instead, you follow behind him as he grabs a cane (something for his leg after a minor accident) and lifts it above his head, hobbling to the noise. you quickly reach for his shirt and cling to the fabric, breathing in his scent and memorizing the lines of his face in case this was the last time that you saw him. you had not thought that darkly since your decline in sanity with the choices that you made but it was a reality, and you were always a realist (after the innocence was taken from you). you match step for step, making your way through the various rooms and then finally you see four males sitting in your living room. they are not pillaging, they are not going through your stuff or tossing things around, they are just sitting. you stand up a little straighter and you question what they want, but the leader just chuckles, but you know that chuckle and you urge dean to run, and you follow behind him. you are caught first, easily tossed from one male to another and recognizing their faces and matching names in your head until one holds you close to him, wrapping his arms around you even though you are thrashing to get away. the leader, corey as you know, is making advancements to your husband and you beg him not to, you plead for them to leave the love of your life alone and they listen, for a bit. they turn to you, pulling at your styled hair, questioning where the bad ass went and you make a snide comment that gets a smack to the face, a sensation that you are familiar with. you spit the blood back at him and he gets more angry, ordering your release in which you push him out of the way and run to dean. he begs you to run but you shield himself instead, taking the hits that are meant for dean. your clothes are pulled at, a nightie that was meant for dean’s eyes only. at the end of it, you are left broken once more as you watch the police storm the house while you are hiding in the bushes. you cannot deal with more police, you cannot fathom another death and you mourn while seated alone, bloodied and bruised, violated (not fully) and heartbroken. you can already feel your mind begin to slip and you put blame on people once more, corey for being the cause of it all, skylar, casey, stephen, rufus and jacob for being the backup and then you blame your brother, because he left like everyone else. at twenty-one years old, you are left alone once more in the world that had never been kind to you. with no degree, no true employment and the desire to turn back to the bottle, your guilt turns to shame and your shame turns to your brother for help. days after the incident, you tell him that you got a divorce from dean, that you were confused about your feelings and you needed a place to stay. like always, he welcomes you with open arms and takes you into a new home that is still not far enough away. but you are still getting those threats through emails, and texts, and you wonder if your brother is in trouble too. still close, but you are still keeping him at a distance as well as your crude demeanor allows you to say hurtful things and your blackened heart allows you to not have to care but you do. he is your brother, he will always be your brother and is the only person that you apologize to. your “divorce” is now finalized only months after dean’s death, being sure to keep that information hidden away from your brother as you attempt to keep yourself down low. in new york, you have not gone back to school or really let yourself be known, you are hidden away for the time being in an attempt to not draw attention to yourself. corey knows where you are, he tells you over and over again with weekly messages and you have no idea how to deal with that, so now you are a little paranoid. you push people away even more now, friends at work are cut off, they call you a bitch behind your back and they steer clear due to your bi-polar like behavior. you are mood swinging, and you are crude, you are gentle in moments that people really need it but you have a manipulative head now. you lie, you cheat, you steal and you make yourself out to be a good girl because that’s what you want to be. you enjoyed who you were with dean, you are enjoying your life here too but there are too many secrets that surround you but you are desperate to keep liam in the dark but your bitter side is starting to bring him back into the light of day. you kind of want him to pay for abaonding you and you really just want to put all the blame on him. but you can't do that - not without exposing everything.

ERIN | EASTERN | 22 | EDWARD THEO RAINER CARSON ISSAC ORWELL ELIJAH DEVON FOSTER

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ACCEPTED

oh talia... everyone's favorite person >.> such a pleasure to have her back xD <3