COSTELLO, NIXON JEREMY

i've just been coasting, my mind put into motion. we move like the ocean but i can't swim anymore

twenty-three | heterosexual | single | mechanic/rouge fighter | criminal | colton haynes

Nixon J. Costello,

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THE BEGINNING OF THE END  Another party. It seemed like that's all Nixon was capable of doing anymore. Ever since he had been accepted into the good graces of Averly and Joseph, he had become something of a popular face around the high school. Not for good reason though. Averly and Joseph were the elite in the high school. They were rich, smart, and just had a lot going for them. And who was he? Just a poor boy and a mechanic's son. He had no friends because he was far too aggressive. His blatant disregard for people kept them at a distance. How he had ever managed to befriend to two most popular kids in school was a little beyond him because he didn't even want the popularity. He hated having all eyes on him. Loathed it even. But she was the blame. Averly. It was all her fault. With her heart stopping smiles and sweet words. There was no use trying to resist her and her charm. He was helpless wherever she was concerned. Joseph was only an added piece to the puzzle. Just a third party who Nixon happened to be capable of tolerating. But the two of them together were taking up far too much of his time. Nixon had stumbled home late that night with the scent of alcohol clinging loosely to his breath. On the way home he had stopped by to see Hunter. The kid was his best friend though not the best friend to keep. He was scared. So scared of the gang initiation that was rapidly approaching but Nixon was always there for him. Every step of the way like they were doing it together. They had drank together that night, after he got back from some house party his rich friends invited him to. The expensive alcohol didn't sit well with him. The beer had tasted better. Nix shook his head some was he stumbled blindly through the house. His parents had stopped waiting up for him a long time ago. They would be asleep by now. He always came home so they had no reason to worry. His little sister though, his Rose, she was always asking him why he was never home and was asking why he couldn't spend as much time her anymore. Each time it was like another deep paper cut to his heart. Nixon had tried to make more time for her. He really had. But Averly kept enticing him, distracting him from his responsibilities as a brother with her pouting and gentling pleading. Nixon had planned on going into her room to lay down in bed next to her, maybe stay up a few hours so they could talk. He wanted to know how school was going, if she had a new friends, or more importantly, a boyfriend. He wanted her to tell him everything he had been missing. "Rosie! It's the weekend, how come you're sleeping?" There was something odd about the way her body was positioned and how still she was sleeping. Nix blinked a few times, wondering if his blurred vision was throwing things off for him, but as he stepped closer to the edge of her bed there was a crunch underneath his shoe. When he looked down, the floor was speckled with little white pills. "Rose... fuck no. Rose, wake up! Seriously Rose this is not funny!" He got on the edge of the bed and took her face, turning it to him. She was ice cold. "ROSE!" He was shaking her shoulders now, eyes watering and heart breaking. He continued to shout her name, hoping that maybe she would eventually wake up, but she never did. He could have been there for a half hour, just trying to get her to wake up, but eventually his father was pulling him off the bed and pulling him out the door. The medics were on their way. His mother was sobbing. All he could do was fall to the floor with his back against the wall as he started blankly into his sister's room. Something inside of him had died right then. THE FLIPPED SWITCH  Crying. There had been so much crying at the funeral. His mother. His father. Aunt, uncle, cousin, uncle, cousin, grandmother, family friend. So many people. They were everywhere and all dressed in black. Nixon had left halfway through. He couldn't stand around and listen to everyone say goodbye to his sister like she was really gone or something. Nixon supposed for a moment that maybe he should he crying and saying goodbye with them, but he couldn't. There was nothing going on inside him right there. There was just a hollow void just sitting there in his chest. He hadn't cried since he found her. Since then he felt nothing. He was a blank screen. He had left the funeral early, deciding not to watch them stick the casket into the ground. Instead he got ready for another party. This one Joseph had invited him to. Averly was sure to be around somewhere because she was always somewhere by his side. They were attached at the hip and he was just a third wheel they oh so graciously accepted into their little duo to make it a trio. Nixon tried not to think about it as we went to the house. Tried not to think about how he hated his 'friends' or how it was their fault he had made no time for his sister and now she was gone. He tried not to hate them, but he did. Oh he absolutely loathed them. His fury only built as the night went on and he had to stand around them. Most of all he hated her. It was her fault. Averly. Everything about her had distracted him and now Rose was gone. Nixon grit his teeth, drank, drank some more, and drank even more. Somewhere down the line Joseph decided it would be funny to egg him on. Started whispering things to him, telling him to pick a fight that he was destined to lose. As if Nixon cared. The idea struck him as genius. Pick a fight he could not win. Start a losing battle. Hadn't been all that difficult to start it. All the bottled rage and depression made it relatively easy to be quite honest. He went over to the group and punched one in the face. Shouting erupted through the house and he took one too many blows to the head. He thought briefly for a moment that perhaps someone had broken a bottle over his head, but he did not feel pain. Only a deep, white hot anger that was laced with the dark tendrils of his depression. Nixon did not know when the fight broke up, but eventually someone carried him away and he blacked out, hoping for it to be the end and disappointed to find out it wasn't a few days later when he woke up. THE "HEALING"  His parents couldn't take it anymore. They had already lost one child and could not even handle the thought of losing their last. But he couldn't help it. Nixon didn't want to be here when it was his fault they had lost their daughter. He was sick of not being able to feel anything because there was this dark cloud constantly hanging over his head, daring him to do this stupid thing or that. All he ever did was take on whatever ridiculous fight he could. He started hanging out with Hunter more because of the environment. They did bad things. Dangerous things. Things that could potentially land him six feet alongside his sister. Because that's where he wanted to be. At least it was until he was ten seconds away from getting his wish. Then he backed down and gave up, decided to live because his parents would not be able to handle another blow. They weren't satisfied with this though. They hated who he was becoming and so scheduled therapy appointments for him along with a doctor's appointment. He was prescribed anti-depressants and forced to talk about his feelings. He could deal with the pills, but talking to shrink had not gone so well. The woman had nearly called security on him because he trashed her office after she kept drilling him on things he did not want to talk about. Security came eventually, but he walked out willingly. He had only been making a point that he would never return to that office again. Talking about his feelings wasn't going to fix anything, because her currently didn't have any. There was nothing there. THE HEARTBREAK  It had years since Nixon had properly spent any time with Averly. After graduation she had left him and set off for California with Joseph, but not until after she had slept with him first at their graduation party. It was there she had told him she loved him and it was him who she wanted. He was the one. But she went back on her words and left him, only to come back into town to celebrate her engagement to the asshole who made her cry every single night. He knew this because she was always calling him, seeking his comfort. He should not be talking to her because quite honestly, he hated her. Everything about her he hated but he couldn't keep himself away from her. From the minute she came back in town he had fallen under her spell. He let her use him in all the way she wanted to. He comforted her at her engagement party. They slept together afterwards. Then after that she kept calling and asking to see him. Of course he did oblige. He went to wherever she wanted him to go or let her come over whenever it suited her. That had proven to be quite the bad idea. Love was no friend to him or his best friend. They had nearly lost their lives together. He was breaking free from the gang that had violated his girlfriend. Nixon had gone along to help settle the score and even the playing field. They won the fight, but nearly died in the process. Then when the awoke in the hospital however many days later, both of their girls had packed up their bags and left. Another loss, another heartbreak, but Nixon had been anticipating this. He knew that even though Averly promised that he would always be the one for her that she would turn her back and leave. He had seen this one coming but that did not mean it hurt any less. But since when was pain a stranger to him? THE REPEATING CYCLE  He was indeed an idiot. Nixon was a complete fool. Love was not something he should ever allow himself to fall for. He shouldn't believe that it was even real. But here he was, falling for a woman who was very much taken and so far out of his league. She was a college girl now with a good head on her shoulders. She had a lot going for her, but she was someone he'd been draw to even during high school. Between his ups and downs with Averly, Nixon found himself passing time with Jenna even though she was so completely different than him. They flirted with one another quite often and some might even say that they were dating if you paid enough attention. He allowed her to help him out with the subjects he was falling behind in even though he didn't really give a fuck about his grades at that point. There was just something about her that made him want to be closer to her. So when Averly left him permanently, he found himself slipping closer and closer to Jenna. Maybe it was because he craved the warmth that love offered him, or maybe it was because she was truly good for him. Either way, he fucked that all up. He and his soulmate, Hunter, ran into some serious trouble that required them to leave New York right away. So the fled to some other town in some other state. They managed to open up a shop together and Nixon decided to go to college for mechanics and engineering because why not? He had left his old life behind him and was starting new, so he might as well go all out and try to distract himself from the woman he had left behind. Unfortunately that didn't last very long and he fell deeper into his old habits.  RETURNING HOME While living away from home provided him with a lot of new experience and troubles, Nixon and Hunter decided that it was finally time to return home. So they packed up their bags, sold the shop, and moved back to the east coast where they truly belonged. They had vague hopes of staying out of trouble, but when you have close ties with a lot of the local gangs, it's easy to fall into deep trouble and Nixon lost the ability to care. In fact, he almost craves it.

leah | eastern | seventeen | lots o characters

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ACCEPTED

more accepting myself yaaay