DARLING, LOOK AT ME

1529 words

DMITRI CASIMIR IVANOV

outfit; also, this sucked, i apologize x.x

I'D DO ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO

life as a williams was hell. los angeles was hell. what was she thinking? packing up her things and moving here was a mistake. her father obviously wanted nothing to do with her despite taking her into his household. he's made it a point in his day to avoid her at all costs. he had nothing to worry about though, the feeling was mutual. her step brothers, on the other hand, were know it alls who like to concern themselves with making her feel like a compete and total idiot. then there was the wicked step mother who wasn't afraid to voice her distaste for pai's presence. she spent every moment possible to make paisley's life a living hell. the one good thing that came out of this move was meeting dmitri. he was the one person in her life that had no ulterior motive or was hiding something from her. he was honest, and he was never afraid to take her ego down a notch. if she had it her way, she would move out her dad's household and find her own place. if not, she'd take living back in her car over this shit hole she called home. despite having moved here for a while now, she was still not accustomed to the lifestyle. especially not a williams kind of lifestyle. they had fancy dinner parties, and random charities they go to like they actually give a shit about the organization. paisley admitted that she wasn't the nicest person around. in fact, she knew she could be a cruel and cold bitch when she wanted to be, but if she was going to attend a charity event to raise money for the organization, she'd at least do her research and see what the charity is about. she wasn't going to do it for the hell of publicity and making herself look like some rich and important person. the events were meant to raise money for those who were less fortunate, but people use it to socialize and make it about themselves. they don't actually care about the charity itself, they just want to to have the glory of saying they donated the most money. did they even know that most of their donated money doesn't even actually go towards the cause? this fake world her new family lived in was a big sham. just rich people being snobs and fitting their stereotypes. pai didn't know how to live like this. didn't know what to do with the newfound luxury because she's never had this before. never had enough food on a dinner table to feed a village, never had enough clothes to own an actual walk in closet. for the longest time, all she's known is how to fight for survival. how to avoid being abused and making sure her own food portion lasted her for the week. her life before this consisted of foster homes, and living out of her car. people had no idea what it was like having to sneak into school early in the morning to shower and brush her teeth without getting caught or sleeping through a winter night in a car that didn't have a functioning heater.

but she would take all that back if it meant she didn't have to leave with these people anymore. her original plan had been to reunited with her dad. maybe make a connection, find common ground and talk more about her mom and what their story was. she'd, at least, like to hear his side of the story. but he was impossible to communicate with. he acted like she was invisible. she had packed her bags and moved here so she could finally have a proper family. instead, she got a nightmare of a step family. she didn't know what was worst, her abusive adoptive parents or her snobby, two faced family. paisley just can't seem to win. and even they weren't accounting her family into the situation, she had nothing going for her here. she didn't have any friends, she doesn't even know what to do with her life, which makes schooling very hard when she didn't know what she wanted to major in. except, she supposed she couldn't really say she had nothing here because she had something. or rather, someones. dmitri and her cat. the only two living beings that she could actually stand. well mostly the cat anyways. sometimes dmitri drove her up hte wall. they could never seem to agree on anything except their cat. he was frustrating and challenging, and it annoyed her to great lengths. most days he drove her up the walls with his stupid morals. at first, she understood where he was coming from. he's older, and she wasn't legal. she was young and naive, she will admit as much. but she was twenty one now. have been for a few months, and his opinion on anything regarding her have yet to change. so what's a girl got to do when the guy you're stupidly crushing on refuses to feel the same? not because he doesn't, but because she's "too young." the age difference would never go away. there would always be that gap, but how was she supposed to change his mindset when he refused to listen to her to begin with? i mean, there was only so much rejection she could take before she calls it quits. because what was the point? if he doesn't like her now, when she's legal, then what difference would it make a year from now? and anyway, it wasn't even that big of an age gap. they were only four years apart. that was nothing. it wasn't like she was sixteen years old. that might be a problem, but she was a grown women. she could take care of herself. sure, she wasn't the most pleasant person to be around, but she was working on it. at least around him anyway. that should count for something right?

paisley shook her head, ridding her thoughts as she pushed her legs to go faster. she could feel the air deplete from her lungs, and the burning pull in her thighs, but she willed herself to push harder. "last lap ladies!" she heard the coach shout. she had almost forgotten she was at practice. the world around her blurred by when she ran, making her feel like there was no one else in the world. just her and the wind. however, the second the words left the coach's mouth, she could feel one of her teammates trail closely behind her. the girl had loud footsteps and heavy exhales. she was sure she was breathing pretty heavily, but loud footsteps were never a good sign for the runner. you'd tire yourself out quicker. however, pai took it to her advantage and sprinted the last 400m. she was really pushing her own limits here because she could feel her body reject every part of this sprint, still she refused to listen to it. she was so close to beating her best, and she wasn't going to stop now. she was known to be a fast long distance runner. she always took first in the championships and she was going to hold that title. she wouldn't be able to if she stopped trying to beat her own best. she crossed the finish line, long before the second person did. paisley did a slow lap around the tracks to cool her body down even though her legs felt like jello and every breath came out more like a gasp than an actual intake of breath. her coach blew the whistle and gathered the girls before turning to her, "what did i say about cell phones, williams? yours have been going off this entire time!" and right on cue, her phone started ringing. paisley rolled her eyes  "yeah yeah" she muttered before making her way to her cell and picking it up. she quickly hung up after the short conversation with dmitri about koshka. "gotta go, i have an emergency." she said quickly before making her way into the girls change room to grab her things, not even letting her coach respond to what she had just said. she showered as quickly as she could and changed into her clean workout clothes, driving as quickly as she could to dmitri's place. now, she wasn't the type of person who cared about anything or even anyone. she just didn't give a shit about things. caring was just something she didn't do. however, as much as she hated to admit it, the second she saw the stray cat, she had developed an attachment to it. even before dmitri agreed to keep her. her tires screeched as she pulled into the parking spot next to his building, getting out of the care and barging into russian kicks and up the stairs to dmitri's apartment. "what happened? what's wrong with my baby? is she okay?" she frowned a little after the questions left her mother, suddenly feeling weird and peeved that she had been the one to say  it. the concerned questions left a weird taste in her mouth.   

x

you can’t seem to understand, A HEART DOESN’T PLAY BY THE RULES---------------------

sleeping with his body curled around a pillow, dmitri could feel the old aches in his muscles as he started to stir. the only reason that he was even beginning to wake up at this moment was because of the feline that was rubbing her face against his, tickling his nose and creating the sensation that the fighter had sneeze. he reached over, with his eyes closed, to stroke the small kitten before lightly pushing it away and proceeded to roll onto his back and opened his eyes one at a time. the light was shining through the window, dmitri had asked one of the female coaches to open the gym for him so that he could rest before the intense work out session that he gave each week. he felt age beginning to creep up on him sometimes, even though he was only in his mid-twenties, sometimes he felt older. the kitten rived for more attention, stepping onto his bare chest and sitting down, staring at dmitri while dmitri blankly stared back. this cat was just like it’s mother, the human mother—annoying, persistent and quite hard to resist sometimes. giving a shake of his head, he once again pushed the cat away from his line of vision and scooted out of bed in order to get ready for the day. ”you always beat the alarm clock..”, he commented, reaching for the device and shutting it off as it was no longer needed. the cat needed to be fed and dmitri knew that, he knew the routine that the kitten had and when he chose to sleep in, the cat decided to not let him. the cat had been part of his life for at least a year, maybe longer and he knew it was imperative that he kept her alive. paisley would make the attempt to destroy him if something happened to their kitten. he shook his head to that thought. there was no their and he had to remind himself of that. she was just a kid, an immature, angry, untamed child that he could not even begin to change and really, dmitri wouldn’t want to change her. he kept using the ‘age’ thing as an excuse as she had been eighteen at the time when they met but now she was twenty one and just breathtakingly gorgeous and completely infuriating still. her appearance might have aged but dmitri still felt like she was an infant when it came to her personality.

dmitri noticed a strange moment with the cat as it slightly wobbled to the left as she made her way to the, now, full food bowl but dmitri chalked it up to age. the cat was at least a year old, wasn’t that how long they lived for? he really had no idea but he did not know that he needed to get downstairs to his place of work and actually earn his keep. pulling a tight shirt over his head that outlined his muscles, he grabbed for a pair of shorts and quickly ran a brush through his hair before making his way down the steps, two at a time. he entered the gym after a small hallway and jumped right into the thick of the action that was happening. girls surrounded him, as always. his gym was a hot bed of good looking woman looking to change their bodies, improve their stamina or as he had noticed, join his personal classes and barely do anything. he also noticed a small influx of males in his gym today but dmitri could easily guess why that was with the flock of beautiful woman and the good looking female coaches that he had hired. but dmitri had hired them on their merits, not on their appearance. he was judgmental but not when it came to personality. stepping over to the punching bags, he watched the form and even corrected a few of the patrons before continuing to the ring where his class would be taking place. he rolled into the middle of the ring and smirked to the small gathering males that had signed up for this. he had to admit that this was the better kind of class to teach because he was never ogled, he was not distracted, dmitri just had to speak and pass on the russian fighting technique that he had learned on the streets and then in the gym. a good hour passed and dmitri was able to work up a sweat as he dodged, kicked and punched at his opponents. he spoke while doing so, explaining each move that he was doing and before long, the class was over. dmitri called out to one of the coaches that he was going to do a few laps, not knowing it was exactly what paisley was doing at that very moment. this was his cool down period and then he would run up and take a shower. it had been a work out for sure, he was proud of how far the boys had gotten and was even more proud that two of them were able to knock dmitri onto his back before he reciprocated the action. dmitri reminded them to never let the thought of winning distract them because that is when they would lose and that proved to be right when dmitri’s own feet swept theirs out from under them. he had to admit that his back ached a little due to the hard ground and his legs, lactic acid pooling in his muscles but he pushed on and proceeded to run two fast laps and then a cool down one.

dapping his face with a towel as he entered the main gym, dmitri shook his head as one of the head coaches made a comment about him smelling, ”that’s how you know it’s been a good work out…”, he commented before gesturing to the door leading into his apartment, ”but i’m going to go shower, i’ll be back to help with the next class in a few.”. he got the approval, not that he really needed it, and made his way into the apartment. the most alarming thing was the fact that the cat did not greet him as she usually did. he furrowed his brows and began to click his tongue, calling for her. he heard a troubled meow and walked into the bedroom to find laying on her side, an unusual thing for the cat to be doing. she liked to lay in a ball, she liked to cuddle into his pillow when he was gone. dmitri guessed that she could not even make it that far. raising an eyebrow, he dropped his gym bag and the towel to the floor and walked over to the bed, ”oh no..”, he breathed out as he rummaged around for his phone. he dialed in the familiar number but it just rang and rang and rang. the one time that he needed her, she wouldn’t answer. dmitri hopped into the shower quickly, just washing away the layer of sweat before he returned to the cat’s side and continued to call for paisley. his body was dripping wet and he had nothing but a towel to cover him but he didn’t want to leave the cat’s side. it felt like the tenth time that he called when she finally answered. he made the conversation short, not expecting much from her but the worry in the girl’s voice had him a little worried. he knew she was going to come over and he looked around his room for clean clothes, tossing on a pair of jeans and a shirt. he sighed, moving back to koshka’s side and tried to scoop her into his arms as gently as he could. it was only a couple of minutes later, the meows of the cat growing more dire, did he hear his front door open and he let out a deep sigh. here we go. standing up, the cat curled into his body, he shrugged, ”i think she’s sick.”, but then he looked to the door and sighed, ”you didn’t even knock?”, shaking his head as he stepped around her and toward the stairs, ”let’s go. think she needs to see a vet.”. dmitri was so unprepared for this cat as he had no carrier or toys for her except for a small ball that she rolled around his apartment. he didn’t know how to react to this, he just needed to stay calm and so did paisley, though he wondered if that was even going to be possible.

PAISLEY AUTUMN WILLIAMS, his apt, 1439, shorts&shirt,i'm rusty with him..give me some time xD

1514 words

DMITRI CASIMIR IVANOV

outfit; whoa, suddenly had a lot of muse

I'D DO ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO

paisley was not a people person. and she was definitely not an animal person. honestly, anything that breathed were quite generally something she opposed of. she didn't know how to talk to them let alone take care of them. she only knew how to survive and take care of herself. and honestly, she was sure she didn't do a very good job of doing that either because raising yourself is quite problematic when you have no experience to base it off of. see, she was the kind of person who believed in tough love and fighting for what you believed in. she was the kind of person who only knew how to defend for herself because that was how she grew up. it was what she was taught to do at a young age. she's learned loss and had to grow up much faster than most children have to. all foster kids did. the younger ones didn't know any better. but when you get older, you learn. you learn not to get involved. you learn to mind your own business and hope that the big kids weren't going to pick on you for the night. you learn to be quick and eat even when you're not hungry because you didn't know when your next meal would be or whether the big kids would try to eat your food. and soon you learn to be tougher than them. to not let them push you around because you would push right back. you learn to toughen up and not be the weakling that you were a few months ago. and just when you thought you've got it all figured out, you get knocked down by a different kind of problem. abusive adoptive parens. she was sure that not all foster kids experienced this, but she knew it wasn't uncommon. they didn't always get the kid they wanted or imagined. so they resort to violence and anger. the caleb's hadn't been bad. she thought that it was finally going good. that she could finally let her guard down. she was naive and stupid then. thinking that anything could ever stay good. it was another hard lesson she had to learn. but this was ten times worse than any foster home. this lesson was how to keep her mouth shut through the physical pain her adoptive father inflicted on her because she knew if she made a sound, he'd just hit her harder, burn her longer. it was a lesson in which she had to help herself because she knew that no one else would. and if she had to learn all that by herself, endure all that and no one else had once tried to help her, then she sure as hell wasn't going to care when someone else needed the help.

at least that's what she told herself. that she wouldn't care and that she wouldn't help because she didn't give a fuck. why should she? she never got a helping hand. stopped expecting it, really. and that was a lesson people needed to learn. the world was a dark and mean place. things end, people die, and it just gets worse. so no, she really wasn't a people person. and animals required too much attention, so she certainly wasn't an animal person. however, she had never imagined that she would ever fall in love with this tiny fur ball she co-owned with dmitri. see, the thing was that she didn't know how to take care of other things or even know how to care about other things. but there was just something about koshka that paisley was immediatly attracted to. it was a feisty little thing, but it was so capable of loving things that she deemed worthy. she supposed the cat reminded a lot about someone. she just couldn't quite pinpoint who. still, she cared deeply for that little thing. the bonus of it all was that it was an excuse she could use if she ever wanted to go see dmitri. although she supposed she never quite needed an excuse. she was practically at his gym every day. it might as well be her own home. she was certainly there more than she was at her own house. the williams household was suffocating, and if she could avoid being around it most of the day, she would. which is exactly why she had actually taken up a sport the past couple of years. that was also something paisley didn't do. participated in clubs or sports at school because it was too permanent for her liking. it was a commitment she had to make and keep. but at this rate, she would honestly do just about anything to get away from her so called family. if she had to commit a little to one sport, she would. and anyway, there was not much she could complain about. she happened to like running, and she enjoyed competing. track seemed to be the right way to go at things. and it helped a lot with clearing her mind. something she seemed to need to do often. especially after her encounters with dmitri. there was just something about that man that got her feeling all discombobulated. sometimes she thought that maybe he felt the same. but then he would turn around and make it seem like she was some child he had to look after out of obligation.

she never knew what he was thinking. just when she's got a grasp of it, he would just slip right off her fingers. it was frustrating, but it was also challenging. which, she supposed, is what made him that much more attractive. and she sure as hell knew that she wasn't the only one in his gym that thought that. the only difference between her and those girls was that she actually used the gym to learn. to keep her skills, and definitely to keep her violence in check. yes, sometimes she had to admit that it was nice seeing dmitri there, occasionally praising her, but that wasn't what it was all about. paisley actually enjoyed the art. it certainly helped a lot with her feeling of helplessness. it made her feel confident and safe. it reminded her that no one could hurt her anymore. because she's learned her lesson. she was tougher, and stronger, and she had the tools necessary to protect herself. she would no longer find herself in situations where she had to hide in the furthest corner of the house so mr. calebs wouldn't be able to get to her. if a man ever tried to approach her violently, she would know what to do and how to do it. kickboxing was her protection. something she was sure dmitri didn't exactly agree upon. he always thought that kickboxing should never be used against another human being, especially if harming was involved. but he didn't understand. didn't know what it was like to pretend nothing hurt when everything did. he didn't know what it was like having to go to school and lie about the injuries you have because you know that if mr. calebs ever found out you ratted on him, he would come after you with an even worst punishment. he didn't know what it was like to be kept up at night because you feared that mr. calebs would come into your room at night after he went drinking to use you as a punching bag for his failures. he just didn't understand. but, she knew he tried. most times. and he was there for her if she needed him, and she supposed that was all that mattered. but sometimes she also thought that maybe he was just being nice. he was just that kind of person. he was her opposite. he cared for people, and he was certainly a kind and old fashioned gentleman. despite his constant rejection of caring for koshka. she knew he cared for the cat as much as she did, otherwise he would have never allowed her to convince him to let the cat stay. and he certainly would not have called her so many times regarding their cats health, sounding as worried as he did. but paisley was extra worried. she couldn't let anything happen to koshka. which is why she burst into dmitri's place the way she did. despite the urgency of the situation, she still rolled her eyes at him, "seriously d? how many times to i come here and actually knocked?" well she supposed the gym and his apartment was a different situation, but she was up here often too to visit koshka and she never found it necessary to knock. he was just being dramatic and overly sensitive. however, her attention was immediately on the cat in his arms, worry immediately settling in again. "yes, of course." she agreed, her hand petting koshka's head softly, "you poor baby. don't worry, we'll get you all fixed up and better in no time, i promise." she told the cat as if it would actually understand.

x

you can’t seem to understand, A HEART DOESN’T PLAY BY THE RULES---------------------

the cat was fucking dying and it had been on his watch. had she eaten something? he had supposed that maybe being a little careless with his meals or his snacks could have led to this outcome but that was jumping to conclusions which dmitri hated. he had to think over every single little thing that happened from the time that he went to bed with a happy, healthy cat purring at his side to now. he searched the rooms for evidence of some kind of cause for the illness but nothing jumped out at him. her waterbowl was full, her food had been half eaten, no wrappers, no throw up, nothing that actually suggested his own apartment and messy ways got this cat sick. it was his apartment first and really, dmitri was not going to change his lifestyle over a small feline that may or may not make it to be ten years old. but it was a growing kitten, it had been found by paisley and raised by the duo—they were not terrible pet owners, well, one was not. dmitri had to admit that the softening expression that paisley had whenever this cat was near her was a relief. it proved that something in paisley was still alive and maybe there was hope for her yet. he always believed in her but he also worried for her. for a girl of such a young age, she had a lot of issues and a lot of anger with a mouth that never seemed to stop. she never thought before she spoke, she was careless with her actions and though she could defend herself, it was not going to be enough—or that was what he feared. he tried to teach her but he found himself worrying more about her own well being than her training and often passed her onto another coach. it was just too much to handle sometimes, no matter how much he cared about the brunette. the cat was meowing in his arms, begging for relief from the ailment that was plaguing it and dmitri was at such a loss for how to make it better. paisley had already been called but he could not leave without her. instead, dmitri laid down with the kitten in his arms. he allowed himself to fall into a calm state while the cat meowed away at him but still purred, pleased to be with someone familiar during a difficult time in it’s life

the thing was so young and it meant a lot to paisley. ”just hold on.”, he whispered to the curled up ball of fur that was now laying on his stomach. the sound of the door rushing open made his heart start to race to the unexpected noise startling him. he knew it was paisley because no one else came up here without knocking but her. she rarely knocked. he hated that. shaking his head as he sat up and came out of the bedroom with the kitten in his hands, her mouth was already moving, ”not the point..”, he muttered out. he should have stuck the cat in the carrier but he started to carry it to the already opened door that she had carelessly left open. he could hear the worry in pai’s voice as he started to slip his shoes on, ”she’ll be fine.”, turning to put a hand to pai’s cheek, rubbing his thumb under her eye and leaning forward to put a kiss to her forehead. without another word, he started down the steps and went on the sidelines of the gym, catching one of the trainers and explaining the situation. almost everyone knew about this fucking cat. it lived with him but sometimes, he did find it’s way into the gym and everyone was so sweet and gentle with it that dmitri kind of let the thing just roam around. he watched it carefully, being sure it kept out of the way but it was more of a distraction to him than anyone else. walking out the door of the gym, dmitri looked left and right, trying to remember where the vet even was. the cat’s meows were dying down as it began to shiver in the colder temperature, forgetting that it was quite spring yet. he thrust the cat into pai’s hand as he removed his hoodie, balling it up and creating a small nest for the fragile creature, ”put her in the hood, she’ll be warm.”, and of course safe in his arms. looking to pai, he wanted to say something reassuring but really, he had said all he could back at the apartment. right now they had to get to the vet’s. his car was only down the road and he gingerly tried to pull his keys out of his pocket while balancing the cat in one arm. ”you need to take her. support her head and don’t let her move. she seems to be in a lot of pain…”, walking over to his car, he pulled the passenger door open. the car was not anything modern but it was still getting him to and from the places he needed to go and back home again. he needed to just tune it at some point but that would be when he found more time in his schedule. so far, it was always the gym, pai and the cat that were taking up his time, not that he really minded it. as the possession of the cat changed, they must have startled something as it started to stand and he sighed, letting the cat go into pai’s arms and waiting for her to get into the car, ”we will call the vet on our way. get in please.”, wiggling the car door to signal how urgent it was for her to get into the car so that they could go. his phone came out of his pocket as he came around to the driver’s side and pulled out of the parking spot as fast and as safely as he could. dmitri was not a fan of driving and it showed with how shaky his hands were. it might have been nerves about the cat but there was something about being in control of a car that frightened dmitri. he often walked to where he needed to go but this was an emergency and he was quite certain that the vet’s office was not going to send someone to him for a meowing cat. he wanted to drown out the meows but he knew that he could do nothing for koshka, he could help pai though. he just needed to think of what to say to her. with his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly as he stalled at a red light, he turned his head to look over at her, ”where were you when i called? hope it wasn’t anything important. guess i could have taken her myself.”, but at the time of the phone call, dmitri had been panicked, now, he was calm and collected and finding it ridiculous that he had even requested her company if she had school or work.

PAISLEY AUTUMN WILLIAMS, his apt, 1204, shorts&shirt, he's calm now.

1329 words

DMITRI CASIMIR IVANOV

outfit; excuse the rambling

I'D DO ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO

paisley knew that sometimes she was not careful with her expressions around the cat. she knew that koshka had a habit of finding a way to sneak around the gym every once in a while and if paisley was ever there during the time, she knew that her voice changed around her baby. it was never intentional, and she tried to refrain from doing so most times, especially around the classroom setting. she didn't want people to think that she suddenly had a heart or that she cared. because she needed them to understand that she didn't. she didn't care for or about the people there. with the exception of dmitri, of course, but even that was debatable every now and then. however, there was something about the cat's presence that immediately warms her heart, and sometimes it was hard to control the smile that finds its way to her lips. most times, she was able to control such a thing. and she often tried to do it only in the presence of dmitri, where she knew he wouldn't suddenly start thinking that her attitude towards other people were going to change. she was more comfortable with showing that side of her with dmitri than everyone else, but she was also quite selective of when, how and length of time. she was still quite guarded with him albeit him knowing her better than anyone else. it wasn't because of anything he did or did not do, but it was rather more of a defensive mechanism. it was a reflexive trait that she constantly fell back on when she felt that someone was getting too close. she didn't want people to know why she is the way she is. she didn't need people figuring out her past or that she used to be abused, constantly. and above all else, she didn't want them to know anything about her childhood because she didn't want them to pity her. she didn't want to see their sympathetic gaze, or feel the empathetic hand on the shoulder, or the slight downturn of the corner of their lips that said "hang in there," and she certainly did not want their "i'm sorry" hugs. if there was anything that paisley absolutely could not stand, it would be human contact. or rather, unwanted human contact. it was one thing when she was sleeping with strangers, but it was another when people just touched or hugged her just because they felt it was the right thing to do. the former was consensual, and the latter was not. maybe it was because unwanted human contact was an instinctual reflex of her fear. a fear that she found hard to shake every once in a while. she had long since associated human contact with abuse because anything that mr calebs had done to her had not been consensual. and maybe this was her form of control over who could and could not touch her.

maybe this was what caused people to portray her as the bitch when it came down to it. her lack of ability to let people touch her. she was always so icy cold to anyone who tried to talk to her or even get close to her. it was hard for her to let anyone attempt to be her friend. people were not something she could control. she couldn't make them say or not say or do or not do something. they were unpredictable. and as soon as the title had been slapped on her, she had just taken it all in and moulded herself into what people said she was. and then it just stuck. she thought it was easier this way. to let people think she was this girl that didn't care or couldn't care. truth be told, she didn't, most of the time. there were certain occasions in which she did care, but she was selective about it. only gave it to those who deserved and worked for it. and when she did show it, she made sure that the person who deserved it was the only one to witness it. even if it was her being soft around a cat. however, the cat always had a way of bringing out the softer side of her even when she tried not to show it. maybe it was the way it looked so adorable in its tiny size. or maybe it was just the way she felt a connection. still, the second her eyes landed on the small thing in dmitri's arm, her heart dropped to her stomach. the way koshka meowed twisted in her gut, and she immediately shut up for the moment. she barely registered d telling her that the cat would be fine. she didn't believe him as this was the first time koshka was like this, but she felt a moment of calm when dmitri placed a hand on her cheek, brushing his thumb over her. her eyes closed briefly as he kissed the top of her head, but her body froze. not because it was an unwanted contact, but surprise of his sudden gesture of affection. however, the moment was over so quickly that she had thought that maybe she imagined it. she shook her head, following him, and taking in whatever he gave her. first koshka, then the hoodie. she gently wrapped it around the cat, "hang in there baby." she mumbled, not really caring who would hear her at the moment. paisley nodded her head as he threw instructions at her, simmering down the murmur of protests in her head. it didn't like being told what to do, but she was in too much shock over what was happening with koshka to really care. "support her head and don't let her move, i got it." she repeated after him, in a very soft and unpaisley tone.

she bit down on her lip to refrain herself from remarking on his demand for her to get into the car, but she allowed herself to get away with rolling her eyes before getting into the passenger's side. she didn't like to be patronized. it wasn't like she wasn't going to get into the car although she had considered the idea. mainly because she's never actually been in his car and because it was definitely a car that needed tuning. part of her brain told her to offer her car. after all, that's how she got to the gym, but the words never left her mouth. she should have offered but she couldn't find herself doing it. mainly because she wasn't sure she would be able to function a motorized vehicle. she thought maybe she was having an out of body experience. she didn't feel like she was there at all. it was all so surreal. nothing could happen to the cat. she refused to lose the cat. she just got her. koshka was the one valuable thing that paisley owned in her life, and she was not ready to lose the cat. she glanced over at dmitri who seemed to be just as unable to manage driving a car. still, he seemed to be in more control than she was at the moment. she wouldn't have even been able to stick the key in the ignition. she glanced down at the cat, "we're almost there koshka. it'll be okay." she didn't know if the latter part of the comment was more for the cat or for herself. she wanted to convince and reassure herself that it will be okay. that koshka will be okay. she had to be. she turned her attention away from the cat when dmitri spoke again. she shook her head, "oh… no, it wasn't umm… anything important." she said in that unpaisley like voice again. "it was just track practice, no big deal." she mumbled before frowning, "no, i'm glad you called me. i need…" she shook her head, "i want to be here for her."

x

you can’t seem to understand, A HEART DOESN’T PLAY BY THE RULES---------------------

he was a little surprised that she had not put up a fight or said anything in retort when he refuted her actions of her walking in without knocking. no one did that, not even his trainers, who he was quite close to. he never let anyone into his apartment, not fully in. they had seen the front door and the foyer but the rest was private, it was his sanctum, his place all to his own and it really bugged him that she did that. but he had to focus on what was happening and that was the dying cat that was nestled into the crook of his arm. she looked even smaller than usual and dmitri had thought that she was getting too big for the apartment. but being curled up and obviously sick, there was something about her appearance becoming more infant-like. it pained him to see her like this but that emotion was not going to show, not with paisley being as visibly scared as she was. he reassured her with a simple kiss to the forehead, something that his mother always did for him when he was feeling just a little blue or a scared. from his first day of school to his last day in russia, all of those moment had been met with a simple forehead kiss and him passing that tradition to paisley meant something but he would never actually vocalize it. he looked down to the kitten that was in his arms, meowing for her life and nodding to paisley as she spoke, ”think that’s helping. your voice, that is…’, though sometimes even that made his teeth grind because it was not usually being used nicely. her voice was used as another defense mechanism that he never understood but dmitri supposed that he might never really understand paisley and her antics or her ways—or just her. as soon as they were outside, the cold breeze instantly startled the cat but it was not able to really burrow into theo’s arms anymore. his sleeves had been rolled and even then, warmth was not really going to be an option for him to provide for the cat. sighing, he handed paisley the kitten with pristine gentleness before removing his sweater and giving her instructions. dmitri really did not give a shit if pasiely was not okay with being directed because this was not about her and her authority issues, this was about the cat and making sure it made as little movement as possible while being warm. she seemed to just understand his words and he nodded, pulling the door of his rarely used car open. he saw the rolling of the eyes and gave his own skyward gaze in reply, shutting the door behind her and muttering under his breath. fuck, he hated that attitude of hers.

he was still a bit shaky from the adrenaline rush and the simple fact that he was not often driving the car, but he managed to get out of the parking spot and onto the main road without any injuries to the car or them. the lights were turning all green for him but a car pulled up in front of him, causing dmitri to miss the next green light and had to come to a rolling stop. this meant he had to catch up, increase his speed a little to have little chance of this red light thing happening again. ”she will be.”, trying to be reassuring to the cat and to paisley. ”you sure? track is important…”, or well, he knew how important it was to her. he let out a small sigh, silently kicking himself for getting that worked up and calling her out of something important. though he would have gotten an earful if she found out later about the cat’s sickness, at least she would have been there for her team. he drove along, staying just a little above the speed limit of the small town, reminding himself about his control issues. he needed to stay in control and be calm and collected, not let his heart race and just take every single moment as it was coming at him. he had to arrange the pieces as they were presented to him. they were almost to the hospital but he decided to call ahead to be sure there was room. rolling to a stop at a red light, he looked at paisley and sighed, ”need you to be calm when explaining. i have to drive and getting caught on my phone would just slow us down..”, he explained before handing the phone over to her for paisley to talk. the cat’s meowing grew more excessive as it was finally aware that it was not in the comfort of the apartment and was in fact, in a moving car. he wanted to reach over and stroke it’s small head, reassure it that he was there and not strangers but dmitri knew that driving was more important. he quickly pulled up to the vet’s office and did a bad parking job. getting out, he rushed around to open her side and sighed, ”let me take her.”, gently lifting the kitten and bringing her back into his arms. he swore it was lighter than he remembered. he knew paisley had been the one to call but the cat did live with him, he knew everything about it’s daily habits. he waited for paisley but they got into the vet’s office quick and then they were ushered into a room where they were instructed to lay the cat out on the counter. dmitri was almost afraid to see the state of the cat but he unwrapped it from his sweater and sat down, looking over to paisley, ”she’s going to be fine. how about you take a seat?’, he offered, patting the one that was directly beside him as he now patiently waited for the vet to show up.

PAISLEY AUTUMN WILLIAMS, his apt, 1002, shorts&shirt, lost my muse toward the end x.x.

1138 words

DMITRI CASIMIR IVANOV

outfit; meh post

I'D DO ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO

dmitri had always been a reserved kind of man. he never quite let anyone in - which, she supposed, added to his mysterious persona. and she knew, without a doubt, that girls were crazy for that kind of shit. the amount of female bodies in his classes were enough to prove her theory. see, mysterious guys were sexy. there was something about being mysterious that made them extra attractive, more appealing. although he definitely didn't need any help in that department. he had the whole package. regardless, paisley knew she should feel honoured that he even let her into his apartment to begin with. she knew how he could be with his personal things. he was extremely private and he certainly kept his personal life from his work. she would know because outside of this gym, there wasn't much about him that she knew. not about his family, and certainly not about any potential or previous women in his life. he didn't like talking about it. not that she made it a habit to bring it up. she didn't need him to mistake her curiosity for her having feelings for him. even if it was true that there may be a slight attraction on her end. she wouldn't dare voice it. not because she didn't make it obvious enough already, but because she knew how he felt about the situation as a whole. she was too young for him and that was that. before her twenty first birthday, she understood that there were legality issues, but she was legal now. she was different now… sort of. but she was no longer that girl who needed to be taken care of in the hospital because she tried to stick up for someone else and got her ass kicked instead. she wasn't that scared girl who couldn't protect herself. couldn't he see that she was trying? trying to be more responsible, to be less violent or angry. and didn't trying count for something? nevertheless, it didn't matter anymore. he didn't feel that way for her, and she needed to focus on the cat they co-owned that stayed in his apartment. under this predicament, he didn't really have much power to say no to her visiting their cat. could she have respected his privacy and space by knocking? probably. but she's never done so before and she wasn't about to start. he shouldn't expect more, especially since she made it a habit to storm into his building. if he had thought she was going to have a change of heart and suddenly decided that maybe it would be nice if she started knocking, he shouldn't. maybe it was overly dramatic of her to burst into rooms and slam doors, but it was just another one of those things where she used objects and behaviours to express her feelings.

he was obviously not okay with it. or her attitude in general but that was the least of her worries at the moment. what's the point of caring about what he thought about her antics and attitude when he didn't even seem to want to do anything with her to begin with? he had to know that he could depend on her as much as he did with the instructors in his gym. if not more. he could trust and rely on her for whatever he needed there was nothing in this world that could surprise her anymore. she's pretty much seen the worst of it, experienced a lot of it. and honestly, she's done so much bad things that she couldn't even begin to judge someone else's life. yet, he just kept their relationship strictly platonic. if you could really even call it that. a relationship, that is. she barely felt that they were friends. but perhaps that was a conversation they would eventually have to have. a conversation she wasn't particularly looking forward to because what if it wasn't the answer was looking for? what if, after all this time, he hadn't even considered her as a friend, but only just one of his students? no, that couldn't be true because she knew, for certain, that he treated her differently than he did any of the other students. he let her into his apartment, allowed their cat to stay at his place, took extra care with her ankle when she was injured, and he was there for her when the boys attacked her at the hospital. if she was just a student, he wouldn't care about any part of her life. wouldn't get so frustrated when she was being aggressive on his mats. wouldn't worry about her dropping something as small as a track meet to go to the vet with him. she glanced over at him. she had missed something he said. something about her voice. it was too late to respond now. he must've said it a few moments ago while she was lost in her thoughts. "i'm sure, and it's not important at all. not as important as this anyway." she told him firmly. its importance was minute compared to this emergency. sure, she happened to enjoy track, and actually going to the practices and the meets, but it was not on her list of priorities. "and anyway, it was just practice. it was pretty much over when you called." she reassured, just in case he was beating himself up over it like she knew he would. but she could also see the panic in his body language. his need to control the speed of the car, and his urge to calm his worry over koshka. her heart rate jumped faster as he gave her the instructions. she hesitated for a beat when he handed her the phone before she spoke, just like she was instructed. the receptionist reassured her that there would be room as soon as they got there. not too long after she hung up, dmitri was pulling into the parking lot. this was it. her heart sunk to her stomach at the thought of any possible bad news. she passed their cat onto his arms without missing a heartbeat. she took in a deep breath and hurriedly followed after him. she watched as dmitri unravelled the sweater bundled cat on the counter, and then offering her to take a seat next to his. she nodded, but she laid a gentle hand on their small kitten and leaned down to kiss the top of her head, "you're going to be just fine. hang in there baby." she said as reassuringly and comforting as she can to the cat before taking a seat next to dmitri. she laid her hands on top of her thighs, but she couldn't stop the wringing motion of her hands. she was too worried to be too concerned over her hand motions.

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