DAWSON, MIKENNA E.

The pressure’s building with time I made it up in my mind
I’ve got excuses for all these things that I tried in my life

TWENTY SIX | SEXUAL | SINGLE | ARMS TRAFFICKER/UNDERCOVER COP | CRIMINALS | CAMILLA LUDDINGTON

Mikenna E. Dawson,

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you can hear the rustling as the camera shuffled into place on the tripod. as the person moved further back, you can tell it's a girl. she wasn't young, but she wasn't old either. perhaps in her mid twenties. she sits down and looks into the camera. you can see the paranoia in her eyes, and the fear in her shaking hands. you don't know why you've received this. just that you found it on your front porch steps when you came back from your evening run. there was no stamp or return address. only your name in cursive writing was on the manilla envelope. you don't even know this woman. she looks familiar. perhaps it was someone you've read about on the news, but definitely not in person. you start to wonder if the sender had the right person. maybe it was supposed to be in the hands of someone else. surely, it couldn't be you. you look back at the screen as the girl parts her lips only to shut it again. she glances around the room to make sure there was no one around before she parts her lips again. "my name is mikenna emmaline dawson. it is on every one of my legal documents. but it's a lie. mikenna emmaline dawson doesn't exist. my real name is kaley rose piper . i am twenty six years old and i go by kay. and this…. is my story." she's immediately caught your attention. you want to know more about this girl. what did she mean mikenna did not exist? you lean closer to the computer screen as if she's really there. like if you lean closer, she'll tell you more. you watch as she stuffs her hands underneath her thighs, glancing down before glancing back up again. "you see, i was born in oxford, england. an only child that my parents didn't want. i was thrown into an orphanage when i was a few weeks old, nameless where the nuns there had named me kaley. however, i was never adopted into a family. by the time i was ten, i was too old for adoption, so they threw me into foster care. i was thrown around everywhere. from oxford to manchester to york." she paused, sighing, before the corner of her lips turned upwards slightly. you wonder if this is actually a good time for her to be smiling. she seemed to look distressed, and yet, she's smiling. she's not looking at you anymore. in fact, she's glancing down and even chuckling. but it didn't seem genuine. in fact, it was kind of cynical. like she found her own situation to be laughable. you want to find out why she's acting the way she is. "bear with me here, i know this is the boring part. what i'm trying to get is that foster care shaped me into the person that the cia was looking for. see, foster care changes a person. it's an ugly place for a child to be in. fending for yourself like it's some survival show. if you're too slow, then too bad, wait until the next meal. there's never enough food to go around. if you're weak and small, then be prepared to get picked on. the older kids picked on the younger, less abled ones. always got the better toys, the bigger pieces. i hated that. i was never much of a talker. more of an observer. i guess that makes me a bit of an introvert. but if there's one thing i absolutely cannot stand, it would be injustice. that was something i wasn't going to sit back and study. i wasn't going to let the little ones starve and get beaten up for taking the nicer toys. i gave them my food, and i fought back for them. i can't say i didn't get my ass kicked every once in a while. i wasn't some invincible girl who was able to beat all the bullies like a hero. but i did what i could do to protect the younger ones. no matter where in the country i was. however, i was also clever, and cunning. i was devious in a way that i knew how to get myself out of a sticky situation. i could bullshit my way through anything. from improvising my actions to making up a story. sometimes i can make myself so invisible that no one actually pays any attention to me. especially in chaotic situations or if i want to be invisible. i think it was this certain part of my personality that caught the attention of cia. i was merely twelve when they approached me. i was in manchester at the time. i can't go into much detail about this. but they took me away to a foreign place i cannot name. there, they trained many young people like me to be a cop. but not just any cop. we all had our specialties. some would become a hacker, some a detective, and some would go on to be undercover. from drug rings to arms trafficking to illegal business owning. there are multiple fields. i never really specialized because i knew about everything. not because i was a genius, but because i learned about it over the years in foster homes. some of my foster brothers were in gangs. most of them dealt drugs, but there were some who were good at hacking and some were good with weapons. they never talked to me about anything, but like i said, i knew how to stay out of sight without actually being out of sight. they taught me everything i needed to know. i specialized in a little bit of everything. the academy taught me how to fight, defend, and behave." behave? what did she mean? you've never heard of anything like that. conditioning a human being? that's unheard of. you want to know more about this academy. about what they do or where all these kids come from. did the cia get all these children from foster homes or were they picked from families? you ask yourself why you are seeing this. why would someone send this to you? better yet, why are you so curious to learn more about her? "by the time i was seventeen, i was already graduating oxford with a bachelor's degree in business marketing. at that age, girls should be worried about prom and spending their last summer together partying. but not me. not the people i train with. we don't get that privilege. we can dream about it, but while people our age are going to parties and drinking, we are starting to settle into our designated jobs. this is what our training was for. to get ready for battle. and mine…. was to infiltrate an infamous mob. they wanted me to get close to the family. especially their son, lucian. while he was a few years older than me, he was still relatively closer to me in age than anyone else." you watch as she sighs, not quite sure why there was so much meaning in there. did the girl feel something for this boy? perhaps it was something else. it had to be something else because you feel like you're starting to get a feel of what this woman is like. what her life is like. and that sigh was not because she had to grow close to the boy. "as soon as they assigned a small group of five, including myself, into the mob, i knew how our fate would end. i had accepted it the second my name was chosen. as you are watching this, my life has probably already ended. you don't need to concern yourself with my fate or my wellbeing. this is me merely wanting to tell someone my side of the story." despite the fact that she told you not to worry, you still feel a sense of panic. your fingers curl around the edge of the arm rest of your chair. your heart is beating fast and your breath turns shallow. what if there was something you could do? what if you could save her? what if she's not actually dead and that's why you've received this tape? you want to save her. you felt obligated to. there must be something you could do to help this poor girl. "i was nineteen when i got recruited into the gang. believe me when i say i had to do many illegal things i never thought i would do in my life to get noticed by the gang. i had befriended one of the new recruits. i dealt drugs with him and i sold weapons. i had even momentarily watched over the "dancers" for a bit. i will not mention what i have done to catch their attention because i would rather not have you taken in for interrogation. i can only mention that it is something no one should ever have to do in their life. i spent the last seven years climbing up the ladder in hopes that i would finally meet the boss. or at least be in his favour. it was easier to get to know lucian. when i mean get to know, i really just mean pass by him. he wasn't always with his father, but…" you look closer to the screen, squinting. there was a shudder. you almost missed it, but you had to rewind it a little so you could get a better look. yes, there was definitely a shudder. you could almost feel the shiver down your own spine. as if for a moment, you were her. "you don't know him the way i do. you haven't met this man. in fact, he's not really a man. he's a ruthless monster. he has no remorse for the things he does. you never spend one second with him not fearing for your life. he was unpredictable and unforgiving. he doesn't interrogate. if you have been accused of doing something wrong, you will die. that's it. no ifs ands or buts. he doesn't care for proofs on your innocence. there is no emotion in his eyes. he feels…. nothing. he doesn't…. he cares for no one but the family emire. i may not be doing justice on how fearsome he is. you just have to take my word for it. every day, i count my blessings i am alive. i don't live my days looking for a future. i don't hope that i will be reinstated as kaley or that i can become a real cop. i can't look that far. i just worry about each day i am living. i always have to be careful of what i say or do. one wrong move, and i would not see tomorrow. you have no idea how scared i am every second of my life. you don't understand what lengths i go to to preserve my own life. the cops can't help me. they don't know who i really am. every time there was a deal going down, i have to report it. the cia has no idea how much danger that puts me in. if lucian or anyone from the gang found out i was a snitch, i would be tortured. because that's what they believe i would deserve. i would deserve the worst kind of punishment. but i am careful. this is what i was trained for. this was my childhood. my heart may be beating a million times a minute, but my face never shows it. this is why they chose me to be an undercover cop. i had an extremely well practiced poker face. you go to one of the gang members and they will tell you i am ruthless and cunning. i am smart and a good business woman. i never leave a deal without cash in my hands. i will go to any lengths for the mob. i am loyal and a good eye candy. someone who knows my weapons. they will never tell you i am afraid. i would never flinch in front of a killing or get queasy. because this is what mikenna's personality is. she's tough. she doesn't give a shit and she would do anything to get the cops off their trail. but that's not me. the real me, kaley. my heart breaks when i see people get tortured. i am enraged every time a deal slips through the cracks of the cia's fingers. but i will not rest until i see the gang go down. as much as it kills me to do so." what did she mean? you study her face. there was something there. a feeling. you can't quite decipher it. was it sadness or was it remorse? maybe it was guilt? no. it was definitely not guilt. you can't quite put your finger on it. but there was definitely some sadness in there. like she didn't want lucian to go down. her eyes held nothing. you could see the wall behind her eyes. she's closed you off. you can't tell what she's feeling. but you know there was something between her and lucian. something she didn't want to mention. and then you finally get it. it was regret. she feels regret for having to bring him down. but why? you wonder if maybe kaley has fallen in love. but the hatred in her voice… you feel as conflicted as she does. maybe it wasn't something as strong as love. but there was an attraction or maybe affection towards him that she felt. you glance back at the screen to catch her smiling at you. this sad and pitiful, but cruel smile. "you're probably wondering who i am to the gang or maybe even to luc. you don't have to wonder, i can tell you this much. i am not in love with lucian. i cannot love a man who does not feel anything for anyone but himself. i cannot even love. i refuse to put that kind of danger on someone. luc and i have a special kind of friendship. if you could even call it that. you know what? no. we'll call it an agreement. we have an agreement. i am an arms dealer. i am in charge of more sales than shipments. it's because they say i have the sex appeal to sell than to receive shipment. i work closely to kidd, the head of weaponry. and i can assure you that if kidd tells you to jump, you fucking jump. you don't hesitate. you don't want to be on his bad side. anyway, i don't have much time to tell you any more than this. just by telling you all this and leaving proof that i'm a snitch is risky enough. i have already signed my death certificate. i have accepted that. i have always known this right from the start. that's okay. i just need someone to know this. detective, i know you're retired, but there is no one i trust in the bureau. not even my handler. there is a mole in there. i don't know for sure, but i have a feeling. a really bad feeling about this. i can't give you any more details about who my handler is or where in the world i am. you have to research this yourself. you have to get someone on the inside to do this job for you. for your's and my own safety, i have left the first clue in your house. i'm sorry, but you will have to go through many clues before you can find the end result. the proof to bring the mob down. only you will understand the clues, detective. i am sorry i have put this burden on you. i am truly sorry. please, be safe. i hope you understand." she smiles sadly at you. her wall is down. you can truly see the regret in her eyes. she doesn't want to do this to you. you've been retired for a few years now. you have left that life behind you to live in peace. you want to help this girl, but how can a retired detective like you help her? like she said, her fate was sealed. you don't doubt that she's already dead. but what if she wasn't? what if she was still undiscovered? what if she was still a snitch? can you take the chance and risk it? you look up again, but she is already getting up and turning the recorder off. are you willing to save her life?

RUBY| PACIFIC| 22 | NATALIE ELIZABETH DANIELS, PAISLEY AUTUMN WILLIAMS

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ACCEPTED

ohey there ruby C; good to see you making another lovely lady for the site! and sorry for the pathetic rambles but yeah. i love you C: